Unconventional Books for Unconventional Moms (and One for the Dads)

A version of this essay was originally published on Jingkids International.

Maybe you’re pregnant and sick of the advice. Maybe your friend across the world is having trouble adjusting and none of the typical books work for her. Maybe after years of being a parent, you still find it difficult to schedule a playdate because that means you also have to talk with the parent(s) of your kid’s friend. Even if you like them, you may not be in the mood to exert the energy. Especially after you move to a new country, or are feeling the brain drain of your translating every aspect of your life, making small talk is just not a social norm that seems necessary.

I have been all of the above. There are days when I’m thrilled to connect with other parents and others when I just want to stare into space while my kid digs in the sandbox or runs around the big toy in the playground. That’s why Julie Vick’s new book Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?) struck me as the one parenting book that might renew my faith in the entire genre.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that once I started reading the book, it was hard to stop. Vick’s “Introvert’s Guide to Surviving Parenthood” reads somewhat like a light-hearted primer, unearthing all those unspoken truths about navigating pregnancy and parenthood. You know how society has taught us that it’s okay for strangers to comment on our weight if we’re pregnant, or that parents should be willing to defend every single choice they’ve ever made regarding their kids to anyone who asks?

Yeah, Vick doesn’t buy into any of that. It isn’t that she was immune to it by any stretch, but her how-to guide is one I honestly could have used when learning how to be a mother via trial by fire. It’s sections like this one about her love of prenatal yoga that nailed my love for this book:

“Can’t hold downward dog for more than a second? No problem – you can take it easy. Break down in tears for some inexplicable reason halfway through? Everyone understands….we would often go around and briefly talk about how we were all doing at the beginning of each class. This sort of forced social sharing with strangers is usually the stuff of nightmares for me, but when I was pregnant it felt like a cheap form of therapy. I think part of the reason why I didn’t mind it is that it wasn’t mindless small talk – we were honestly discussing the highs and lows of pregnancy, a subject we were all pretty invested in. And discussing these things with a group of people I may never see again was somehow relaxing for me.”

Julie Vick

I rarely feel like someone understands me so very well, especially in a topic as personal as parenting, but Vick gets it. Whether she’s explaining how the “birth industrial complex means that a lot of people put a ton of planning into having the baby but significantly less planning into what happens after the baby arrives” or admits that dining where there is a kids’ play area might make you “surprisingly happy because you have french fries,” she gets it. I felt like she got me.

But if you ever meet her, rest assured that Vick won’t expect you to make small talk.

Add this book to your parent friends birthday lists, and I guarantee they’ll call to thank you once they finish laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?) by Julie Vicks is now available on any of these websites. Ebook is available if you don’t want to wait for international shipping.

Other books that I recommend for unconventional parenting help (because let’s face it, if you’re an expat, you’re already on the road to unconventional parenting):

• Motherwhelmed by Beth Berry rocks if you need to know that your best is good enough.

• My Body is a Big Fat Temple by Alena Dillon is honestly the truth bomb I didn’t know I needed. I didn’t even experience half of what she did and I still found myself enthralled and appalled. You can pre-order now.

• Different Differenter: An Activity Book About Skin Color by Jyoti Gupta is a must-have for any parent engaging in anti-racist parenting. It looks like a workbook for kids, but start with yourself.

• I love that Growing Sustainable Together! by Shannon Brescher Shea illustrates how green living affects your parenting and children’s lives for the better.

• Suzanne Brown wrote two books near and dear to my heart: Mompowerment is how to successfully transition to a part-time role for working moms and her newest book is The Mompowerment Guide to Work-Life Balance.

• Michelle Woo may take the cake for my favorite title with Horizontal Parenting: How to Entertain Your Kid While Lying Down. Talk about useful tips!

• Jenny True’s book You Look Tired: An Excruciatingly Honest Guide to New Parenthood brings the same humor as Vicks’ book, combined with True’s reputation as a “postpartum feelings doula.”

• Another winner is You’re Doing a Great Job! 100 Ways You’re Winning at Parenting by Biz Ellis and Theresa Thorn, which is so popular you can only buy it used or as an ebook.

• And knowing how few and far between great books for dads are, get your favorite SAHD Shannon Carpenter’s The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father so he’ll feel a little less alone.